She realized she still had to sort through some old belongings she had forgotten about. These items were once very valuable, but as she was a queen, they didn't matter. The first thing she noticed when rummaging was an old gas lamp with multitudes of languages inscribed upon it. She had been advised against opening it by her own mother for the past 20 years. "I am a queen of Ayodha. Who is to say what I can't open?" She proceeded to pry its top from the base and a gigantic plume of dust filled the room. It was black as soot and smelled of putrid food.
Manthara, a wicked genie, was all that remained of the lamp and dust once it all settled. She was not the most stunning of characters, having a plump belly and unfortunate frame. Her voice also sounded like a gull being strangled. Manthara chortled, "Hello Kaikeyl! How great it is to finally be in your presence. You must forgive me for my appearance, as I am obviously very cramped in that awful vesicle". Kaikeyl had yet to respond, verbally or with gesticulation. Manthara continued, "You may have your two wishes granted now, no questions asked! Just remember that actions and words -- or lack thereof -- have consequences!"
Kaikeyl was known by her people as loyal, trustworthy, and logical, which is why it was so peculiar for her to ask for her wishes abruptly. She wished for Bharata to become king over Rama, and she asked for Kausalya, Rama's mother, to forgive her for her wish.
~ Years later ~
It was late in the afternoon and Kausalya was still unhappy with Kaikeyl. She came up to her at dinner one evening and sarcastically told her, "I forgive you for stealing the throne for your Bharata, because it has taught my son how to NOT be a proper king".
Bharata, having been given the throne despite not being the proper heir according to his father, had become a spoiled tyrant. Rama was patient with him for a great time, even being part of his consul for part of his reing. This, however, became too much for Rama whenever the people of Ayodha began to complain of the awful taxes, welfare, and future prospect of the kingdom. Rama eventually lead a coup in order to take down the tyrant. Bharata fell to his death while trying to escape the palace during its siege.
Kaikeyl, a bit older and wiser now, realized her mistake. She made haste in giving her son the throne without considering the consequences. Manthara's words echoed in her mind.
This was a different take on Manthara's visit to Kaikeyl where she asks Kaikeyl to use her two wishes to save her son Bharata. I made the maid servant into a genie to give it a fable/storytale feel. I started to rn out of ideas on how Bharata was to become a spoiled king, so I made it into a summary of his fall instead of a conversation. It's basically a story over: "Be careful what you wish for".
Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
Its interesting to get to read a story about Kaikeyl! Most storytelling posts I have read use generally the same characters. Also that was a clever way to close off Bharatara's storyline considering you were running out of ideas. Your use of diction also kept me engaged throughout the story. Used a lot of very descriptive words that really helped my imagery while reading this story. Keep up the awesome work!
ReplyDeleteHey Jeremy! I really liked the way you told this story. You really kept me interested throughout the story. I really like how you included Kaikeyi’s two wishes and had the genie came out of the things that Kaikeyi is going through. I also really liked how you used the same name for the genie, Mathara, and also made her a wicked genie rather that just a normal genie.
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely an original story. You veer quite a bit from the original, reimagining the characters in different situations.
ReplyDeleteI was sent here for your portfolio, but I'd already read "Brothers". If you're thinking of using this for your portfolio, I would flesh out the characters' motivations more, and maybe add some more dialogue and interaction. For example, I found Kaikeyi's two wishes kind of sudden, like they came out of nowhere. Also, as you mentioned yourself, you don't really say much as to why Bharata made such a bad king.
I thought it was very interesting that Kaikeyi's second wish was that Kausalya forgive her. That relationship could be explored more.
I love your premise here, though I know genies usually grant three wishes, and not just two. My only issue was that Keikeyi’s voice seemed a bit bipolar. In the beginning be was scandalous and wild, but she still wished to be forgiven? It just seemed like she was on opposite ends of the spectrum in this story, but I still liked it overall.
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